


I'll Always Believe

by animebooklover14



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Depressed John, Gen, Poor John, Post-Reichenbach, Reichenbach Angst, Reichenbach Falls, Reichenbach Feels, Reichenbach-Related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-20
Updated: 2016-02-20
Packaged: 2018-05-22 00:43:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6064324
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/animebooklover14/pseuds/animebooklover14
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John's still having nightmares even though it's been months after Sherlock's "death"</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Always Believe

Bolting up in bed for what seemed like the 100th time that night John cradled his thinned out face in his hands. His dream waking him up again. He couldn’t get any sleep with his dream, the only dream he’s been having the past few months. Even while he was awake the dream played in his head over and over again.

            “ _Look up, I’m on the rooftop.”_

            Oh god... John had known once he had heard those words in his dream what it would be. He knew. He had heard these words countless time in the past several weeks over and over.

            _“ I…I… I can’t come down, so we’ll just have to do it like this.”_

            John started to shake knowing what his best friend was doing. He itched to run to the roof where Sherlock was but his feet were planted in the ground he couldn’t run. No matter how much he wanted to he could not move. Not even an inch.

            _“It’s an apology. It’s all true. Everything they said about me, I invented Moriarty.”_

            Why was he saying this? Why? This wasn’t like Sherlock not at all. Something was wrong.

            _“I’m a fake. The newspapers were right all along. I want you to tell Lestrade. I want you to tell Mrs. Hudson and Molly. In fact, tell anyone who will listen to you that I created Moriarty for my own purposes.”_

            Why wouldn’t he shut up? Why?! He is, was, so clever. He didn’t create Moriarty. He just didn’t.

            _“Nobody could be that clever.”_

            He is, was. Sherlock Holmes was that clever. He was the most clever man John had ever known.

            “ _I researched you. Before we met, I discovered everything that I could to impress you. It’s a trick. Just a magic trick.”_

            Just stop it. Why couldn’t he get his dream to stop? He knew what was coming. He wanted things to change but even in his dream he couldn’t get the arrogant prat to shut up of one god damn second!

            _“Stay exactly where you are. Don’t move.”_

He couldn’t move. Even if he wanted to run up to the top of St. Barts and knock the bloody sense into the detective.

            _“Keep your eyes fixed on me. Please, will you do this for me?”_

            Why did he have to ask? It’s not like he could look anywhere else. All of John’s attention had been on Sherlock that day. How could it not have been? His best friend was up on the roof and he couldn’t think of any way to talk him down off of there.

_“This phone call, it’s um… It’s my note. It’s what people do, don’t they? Leave a note?”_

            No not this. Please let it stop. He wanted all of this to be an actual dream and to wake up from it so badly. But he couldn’t because this was the reality. All the time he had spent with Sherlock, he had never been able to persuade him into doing anything. He couldn’t even stop him now.

 _“Goodbye, John.”_ Then the jump. A swan dive off of the building. 

            John screamed into his hands as a dry sob shook his whole body. He couldn’t cry anymore. Not that he didn’t want to. He literally just couldn’t, no tears where left, no matter how much he cried none would come.

             He got out of bed slowly. It didn’t matter the time. He wouldn’t be sleeping any more today. Probably not even the next night either. The small flat he now had was cluttered with boxes that had yet to be unpacked. John didn’t see the point in unpacking anything really. Nothing mattered. Sitting at his desk he looked at his laptop and turned it on. He watched as the screen came to life. Looking at the bright screen he didn’t even know why he turned it on. As soon as the computer was up and running he turned it back off again. Shutting the top angrily. There was nothing to be done. He looked at the time, for the first time, seeing it was still early.

             “Why Sherlock? Why did you have to do it?” he whispered to himself his eyes closed. “I loved you, you know. It’s not like it mattered much though. It wouldn’t have stopped you from jumping. I just wish, I wish I could have told you. Told you how much you meant to me. How much you saved me. How much I believed in you. Just once, I wish I would have done that. You didn’t lie. I’ll never believe that you had. No matter what people tell me. I just wish you weren’t dead. That you’d stop being dead. Please…”


End file.
